Today, on my birthday, I find myself reflecting on the past year—a year that has been as challenging as it has been transformative. It was a time of loss, heartbreak, and growth, shaping who I am and reminding me of what truly matters.

This year began with deep sorrow as I lost my grandfather, a man who was not just a source of love but also my inspiration. His unwavering faith in my dreams and his wisdom were cornerstones of my journey. Losing him left a void that still aches. Around the same time, my three-year relationship came to an end. Letting go of shared plans and hopes was painful, but I am proud of her growth and her courage to explore new horizons in Europe. As if these challenges weren’t enough, my family faced additional difficulties, testing our strength and resilience in unexpected ways.

The photo below holds a quiet mystery—a group of people seen through a veil of haze, with a beautiful yet distant background. To me, it feels like a metaphor for the unseen struggles and stories we all carry. Much like that hazy scene, life’s challenges often blur the full picture, reminding us that true understanding requires looking beyond the surface to the journeys others have walked. Beauty and hardship often coexist, shaping us in ways that only time can fully reveal.

Amidst these challenges, my PhD journey also presented its own set of obstacles. Adjusting to the academic environment pushed me to grow in unexpected ways. Collaborating with esteemed professors in the US, my supervisor, and colleagues in Norway has been both enriching and rewarding. Despite the difficulties, this year has been productive: three papers published, one revised and resubmitted, three under review, and one in progress. Work has been a great distraction, helping me to shift my focus away from personal struggles. While it’s not the healthiest way to cope, it has kept my mind occupied and given me something to channel my energy into. As I approach the final year of my PhD, I am determined to finish strong, but also recognize that the journey isn't just about pushing through—it’s about finding balance and learning from each experience. Carrying the valuable lessons I've learned with me into the future, I aim to grow not only as a scholar but as a person.

Through it all, Tromsø has been my sanctuary. Over the past four Christmases, this city has embraced me, offering solace during my ups and downs. Its snow-covered landscapes and the mesmerizing northern lights have been a source of hope, reminding me that even in the darkest times, there is always light. Those dancing lights feel like whispers of encouragement, urging me to keep moving forward, no matter how tough the journey becomes.

This year also brought profound introspection. During a tough time, a friend asked me, “How are you if you lose everything you have?” and “Have you written a will yet?” These questions stopped me in my tracks, forcing me to reflect on life’s fragility and meaning. They reminded me that we should savor every moment, face challenges with grace, and prepare ourselves for the unexpected.

Recently, I watched the film All the Bright Places. In one scene, the main actor asks the main actress to complete the sentence: “Before I die, I must...” He writes, “be awake.” That resonated deeply with me. I’ve been asking myself what I would write, and perhaps for now, my answer is: “Be kind to myself.”

This birthday, I chose to celebrate quietly but meaningfully. I cooked some of my favorite dishes—roast pork, stir-fried glass noodles with crab, baked crab with butter—and paired them with wine. It was a simple celebration, but one filled with gratitude. Gratitude for the lessons I’ve learned, the challenges I’ve faced, and the people who have stood by me through it all.

Reflecting on this year, I’ve come to understand that every experience, no matter how difficult, happens for a reason. These moments, painful as they may be, are opportunities to grow and evolve. I’ve learned to be kinder to myself, to appreciate the present, and to embrace the uncertainty of life.